I did the ultimate no-no thing the other day. I was humming along happy as a clam (are clams even that happy?), just being my usual self, trying to live in the here and now and all that jazz, doing a pretty darn good job and then…
I decided to look up a blogger that I liked. Well, this blogger/social media superstar had eclipsed her already eclipsed life and I started to compare my little life to what seemed like her very BIG one and I got all whacked out of sorts. I felt this heavy thud in my stomach and was wondering if I should spend less time drawing crested pigeons and more time pursuing more grown-up and in turn profitable ventures. I have been at a place lately where I feel like everything I do, even for pleasure must be worth my investment in time, be it to make memories or money. How’s that for pressure? This feeling of inadequacy stayed with me for a few long days, when I came to work I shared with Michelle that I opened Pandora’s box, she being the voice of reason made me laugh until mascara rolled down my face and then suggested we write about Roxy Marj, because you can never stay unhappy when you are discussing Roxy Marj, really. We have been enjoying Ms. Marj’s Instagram videos (which we will link below) and commenting on how she must be on creative steroids, they are so original and we dare you to watch without a smile creeping over your face. We hope that she has the same effect on you as she has on us. So here’s to happier days and not comparing yourself to others, embracing your inner child and laughing so hard you ruin your mascara!
//RESOURCES//
Mr. Butters dancing Cat ballet video
I just came across this unexpected blog post while google searching for an old photo of mine that I think I deleted. :( Anyways….your post about my work was soo sweet but also made me feel a little sad. :( I don’t ever want my work to stir up feelings of inadequacy in others. With that said, I have experienced AND STILL DO experience feelings of inadequacy when I see other peoples work that I admire. But as i’ve gotten older i’ve recognized a pattern when I have positive or negative feelings as a result of seeing another body of work that I like. The feelings are usually positive if I know that person of “know of” that person and they are kind and sweet and generally love what they do WHILE at the same time they are happy for other people’s creativity and successes. The negative feelings usually come if again I know or know of that person, but know they are competitive, exclusive in who they surround themselves with, or when i’ve paid them compliments on social media and they completely ignore them. (<- That's such a weird/awkward feeling ) because i'm not at the "influencer" status that deserves acknowledgement OR my branding isn't in alignment with theirs.
I wish I could say that the latter doesn't hurt my feelings or make me sad. It totally does…. and it teaches me that I don't ever want to be like that. I want to be cheerleaders for others even when I'm in a lull or working through my own depression. Lastly, I giggled when you mentioned I must be on creative steroids. Honestly, my only explanation for where my ideas come from is due in part of me retreating inward with art during my kid/teen years. I had a very tumultuous childhood [that still causes bouts of major depression] and instead of turning to drugs and alcohol like my 5 other siblings did [i'm 1 of 7 kids] I chose art as my escapism. So no, not on steroids ;-p LOL just trying to be high on life and look for the silver lining in things.
Anyways, I'm really grateful for your sweet post about my work and taking the time to share it online. And if for whatever reason, if you feel anxious again when seeing my work, please know that it comes from a place of trying to share joy with others especially those who are suffering inside. :/ I just want to make people smile, not cry. :]
All my love!