I know it seems a bit dramatic of me to say a product has saved my life, but I am pretty sure it has or the very least my sanity. I know it’s been radio silence her and for that I apologize, I have been thinking about my blog and all of you everyday, I have, but I seem to be a little inept at this whole mom, blogger and business woman thing. How the heck do all these other women make it look so darn easy? I have been extremely baffled, but had a light bulb moment when I realized that all the other mommy’s that are actually getting things done have newborns that sleep, because that’s what newborns are supposed to do just sleep a whole lot. Well, not my baby, nope, my baby spends a lot of time delighting me with her huge gummy smile, coo’s and Shirley Temple dimple that I can’t stop kissing, but that doesn’t make for a productive day at the ‘office’. I need my baby to sleep not just so I can get work done, oh, no, I need her to sleep so she can do things like grow and flourish.
I am writing this as almost a public service announcement for those mommy’s that are struggling with either a baby that won’t sleep, insists on being held and cries bloody murder if you even attempt to put them down, or needs their hands to do things like brush their teethe or whatever it is they use to use their arms and hands for prior to holding baby for 24 hours straight. There are a lot of wraps, carriers, slings and such on the market (and I will discuss a sling I have been using in another post) but the Solly Wrap is Elle’s favorite and that’s key (coincidentally the inventor of the Solly wrap is also named Elle). This is the only place my baby will take a nap! I have tried everything —a swing, a co-sleeper in the crib, the crib with a vibrating paddle under it, putting the crib mattress on a incline, swaddling, unswadddling, white noise, black out everything, car seat, stroller you name it but she stays wide awake, her doe eyes wide as saucers, but the minute I put her in the Solly wrap it’s a matter of seconds before she falls asleep. So why have I been fighting it if I know this is where she will sleep? I was worried that she wasn’t getting a deep enough sleep or long enough sleep and finally I just had to concede that as long as she was getting some kind of sleep it was better than no sleep. This is how I was finally able to write this here post and try to reinsert myself into the world at large. Baby steps. You might ask why the Solly wrap over the Moby wrap? For one it is easier to figure out how to tie (for me anyway) and it is lighter, much lighter. I seem to be running hot ever since Elle came to town so wearing a hot wrap for an extended period of time is not going to work for me (a lot of people love this wrap though). Less fabric also means less bulk and trust me after 9 months of being bulky you want to avoid that. How long does she sleep in the wrap? Not long, but I can get a good 30 minutes in, sometimes 45 but it’s better than zero minutes. It doesn’t give me a ton of time to get things done, but I work as much as I can within those windows, I have been able to keep up with my shop, but my beloved blog has been sorely neglected. Socializing? Nope, haven’t done that yet, but I hope to soon (I have serious cabin fever), working out? I have done a bit of walking but nothing that is going to get me six pack abs (I plan on it), I have a gift certificate for a mani + pedi that I got for Christmas that I am dying to use (let’s not even discuss the state of my paws) but I have not worked up the courage to leave my baby with anyone and I absolutely would not baby wear her into the nail salon.
So this my friends is where I am at singing the praises of a baby wrap, spending inordinate amounts of time trying to get my daughter to sleep and then trying to find time to work, neglecting a lot of things (my poor husband has been living with a zombie) and hoping that I will soon find a way to navigate these choppy waters of new motherhood and find a balance. Oh, yes I also spend a lot of time mooning over my babe, she is just the best little non-sleeping being I have ever met.
P.S. For those that left kind comments about the photo it’s from the Solly Wrap site, it’s not me and my bub, although I wish I looked this good, I look like a zombie, a happy zombie, but a zombie.
Miss Tristan B. is the proprietress of Besotted Brand and the writer of this delightful blog. She recently re-located to sunny Seattle with her handsome husband and two pups, they just welcomed to the world a baby girl. Her lofty goal here is to make this a creative resource repository and to inspire you to fall truly, madly, deeply in love with your life.
There was one thing that I learnt the hard way, there is only one person who knows better than you when it comes to the sleeping / eating habits of a baby… Your baby.
In the early days (I mean less than a year old) with my first I had a travel cot in the lounge that I would put my boy in (when he wasn’t on a blanket on the floor) with a play gym bar (free-standing effort) and he’d figure his own sleep times. He loved to play whilst I got on with something and would often pass out playing and I’d see him still toy in hand but eyes closed and snoozing. Up til he started being ultra mobile any other awake time would be spent on the floor of my studio under the baby gym bar or on a play mat. My daughter was a slightly different beast but then having two meant work was relegated to evenings and weekends by then anyway.
I think the key is to know that stimulation and learning comes in many forms and as long as they have something they are usually happy (my boy also loved to sit in his bouncer and look at his hands or watch what people were doing). As for sleep, if they are tired, they’ll sleep. Fact. (eventually) If they aren’t, forcing it usually just defers the issue to a different time of the day.
I’m no expert but those are the things I have found to be true from my experiences. I tried from the start to not fall in to the they cry, you run scenario because it just makes for a difficult time for all. I’ve never really had to do controlled crying or any of that. The trick I figured out quite quickly is that usually a full baby is a sleepy one so maybe she’s not getting full enough? That is the other thing I have found, right through to toddler years, an unsettled child is usually a hungry one (they are like men in that respect ;).
The other thing to think about is that if you are trying to get things done and putting her in a sling she’s not being so active and kicking around a lot and using energy (and therefore needing to sleep). You may be better off spending a good while thoroughly tiring her out?
I’m out. I hope I have helped in some way. It looks incredibly easy on someone else because you never have to see the snatched showers at midnight, the working til 3am, the getting up at 6 that same time and the other stuff that really doesn’t look so good on a blog feed. Its not that the blogosphere is full of liars, but don’t we all edit down to the best version? (I try to be honest about my experiences but it’s so tempting to try to be smug about the good bits and shuffle the bad under the rug). x
Thank you Nicole for your comment! I love to hear different mom scenarios, there’s always lots of wisdom to be gleaned from those that have come before me. She was born premature and teeny so I agree with you that she doesn’t get full, she often has to nurse a few times in an hour to get full, but the feeding has gotten much, much better as she gets bigger (thank the heavens!) I wish I could put her down and let her play, but right now she just has a complete melt down if she plays too long, I am convinced when she gets a little bigger and more mature that this won’t be the case. If I don’t put her in the wrap she would get zero sleep during the day, so that’s why I am so happy with the wrap, but she’s not in there all day just before she hits the 90 minute mark of being up, I try not to keep her up over 2 hours or else she gets overtired and then all shizzle hits the fan:) She does have mat time, tummy time but it never makes her tired enough to just fall asleep, at a certain point she is done with it. Of course if she would fall asleep on her own I would have her have at it, but unfortunately she would stay awake all day and all night left to her own devices, so a little rocking and shushing and wrap save the day.
And I still am envious of other moms that seem to have this under control even with all the hurdles, I’m a bit embarrassed that I am having such a hard go of it, I am usually so ‘together’ and well, not anymore!
Ha! Thats kids for you. Turning life (and you) upside down since the day they were born (conceived really).
You’ll get it all figured out. It’ll last a day and then there will be new rules and a game change of some sort.
It has to be said I miss my kiddos being babies for the cute stuff but all the second guessing and worry about too much food/sleep vs. not enough food/sleep, burping (I had a set of moves that looked like I was performing some sort of kung foo on the baby he was that difficult to wind and then he’d usually sick half or all his feed as he had bad reflux issues – my best was 3 complete changes of clothes – including my underwear for two of those in one day), poo analysing and all of that I definitely don’t miss.
I’m not sure how early Elle was but both of mine were two weeks (c-sections for being breach and a whole bunch of other complications) and I’d forgotten about it until just now so they must have caught themselves up pretty quickly. I also realise that I make it all sound terribly easy and to me it is, because I have the luxury of two years between me and the meltdowns. I had my fair share but they dissipate in to the air and drift off with the first steps and the singing themselves to sleep and all of that other stuff that comes with time and practise on both your parts.
Never be embarrassed, the harder it all seems, the more pride and stronger you’ll feel at the other end.
You can do this. x
Hello Tristan! y
Great to know you are doing good and enjoying your beautiful babe! I wanted to share with you that when I had my first, it was extremely hard, I could not function without 10 hours of sleep (I heart sleep) and I took a maternity leave of 5 months. I had my mom come all the way from Peru to help me and she stayed with me for 1 year! Even with her help I had THE hardest time adjusting to being a mom. Then, when I returned to work, pumping, meetings, making sure my son had enough of my milk at home was challenging too! My milk supply wasn’t that great. When my second son arrived I had to quit my job or it was a mental breakdown for me! I haven’t “worked” in the tech world for almost 7 years and it wasn’t until my 3rd child was FOUR years old that I started blogging and designing for pleasure. So, in a nutshell, you are balancing a newborn and you brand, blog, business just fine :) It may “seem” some women have it all together and we see perfect homes, crafts, etc on their blogs but I truly believe something has to give when you try to do everything. Sometimes I look at other blogger moms with awesome blogs/biz, easy shops and 4 + kids and wonder how in the world do they do it? It is a mystery ;) Anyway, I wanted to encourage you :) PS: My son had the hardest time going to sleep on his own I remember having blankets made my a wonderful friend’s grandma, that were very big, so I could swaddle my 9 month old! Yes…. I swaddled him until he was 9 or 10 months or he couldn’t sleep! LOL! Can you imaging trying to swaddle an 20 pound little beast? It was hilarious…
yes, u will find a balance. in time.
ur choosing and using the wrap is an example of what will help u navigate the waters 4 the next, oh, say 18 years.
get rest when u need it; listen 2 ur body.
if she is asleep, don’t wake her 4 dinner. feed her when she wakes.
continue dates w/ ur man/hubby/baby daddy.
keep up w/ ur girlfriends.
put her first.
the rest will fall into line~
4 ur happily ever after.
u look smitten; she’s a dream.
enjoy. every. moment.
( my 2 are 22 and 19 years new; my own rays of light )
single-handedly my favorite review of our product – EVER. thank you so much for the kind words and PLEASE let me know if you need anything, especially when our new line comes out (*hint, hint). :) best of luck to you and your beautiful babe. i’m about to enter the no-sleep zone again when i have my third in march and i feel tired just thinking about it. but somehow the time passes more quickly than we could ever imagine and in some twisted way we’ll miss it like an old friend. xx
I am so so glad that you have posted! I’ve been hoping to hear from you and been praying for some peace and business.
Let me know if I can do anything for you! <3
Gorgeous mommy & baby shot!! I missed your posts! Hope everything goes well for you and Elle.
xx
Carmen
Love the mommy & baby shot! So precious!!!
Glad you’ve discovered the wrap, that helps a lot with your sanity! I don’t have much advice to offer in the sleep department, as we were blessed with amazing sleepers from day one (a break that should be given to all mothers of mutliples, and singles, for that matter). I still struggle with being a full-time WAHM, and there is no such thing as balance. Some nights I’m up till midnight blogging, other days I get stuff done during their nap–it’s nice now that they’re down to one long one! You will find your stride, don’t worry–but no, its not easy. Did you see my instagram thank you? I LOVE the stationary…you’re the best! You are both GORGEOUS by the way. xoxo
Oh my goodness Tristan,
Our little gals must be kindred spirits! Neither sleep, both have dimples, and 2 hard workin’ mommas. :) This post encourages me!
Oh my gosh I loved reading your post because my son was one of those babies who wouldn’t nap. I tried everything as you did, and he did like to be worn, but those were just some ROUGH days. He fell squarely into the category of “high need” baby who needed to be constantly held and nursed. He did not sleep a 5 hour stretch until he was eleven. months. old. This kid is turning 9 years old next week and I still get shaky when I think about that first year! The physical demands of a high need baby are enormous. You are doing great, hang in there – things change day to day!
Agatha barely slept – day or night – as a newborn (and it made me irrationally pissed at everyone who talk about how babies sleep so much, etc). Even when we got her to STTN via CIO (take that acronyms!), she still wouldn’t nap. And then suddenly at 10 months she started taking 2 60 minutes nap a day and life was grand. I’m still jealous of people whos kids sleep for 2-3 hour stretches during the day because you really can’t accomplish much in 60 minutes but the time really goes so fast that you will forget how crazed you felt about sleep in those early days.
I’m so glad you found a solution! You’re working during naps?? Make sure to take care of yourself too!
Our son was flat-out colicky, and couldn’t stay asleep. At 4 months our pediatrician said it was time to do nap training, as lack of sleep could harm his development in the long run, not to mention driving us utterly batshit. So for a week, A WEEK, we had to do cry it out during the day, every 2-1/2 hours, for at least 40 minutes each time. Oh the heartbreak. But after a week… he became what our friends called The Sleepiest Baby In The World. Napped every 2-1/2 hours and began sleeping 12 hours at night. I don’t recommend doing nap-training until utter desperation has kicked in, but I truly believe it got our son out of colic and made us not go postal.